The most loving people in this world know their shadow well, and that is how they are able to love you. 

We all have parts of ourselves that aren’t necessarily our favourites; from our doubts and fears to guilt and shame. These so-called ‘bad aspects’ of ourselves make up the “shadow self,” and the shadow is often ignored or denied because these qualities don’t fit in with our conceptions of ourselves or what we think society will condemn. 

Seeing the shadow within ourselves is extremely difficult, so it’s rarely done—but we’re really good at seeing undesirable shadow traits in others. Seeing in others what we won’t admit about ourselves is what Carl Jung called, “projection.” Most people reject their shadow and project their undesired behaviour onto someone else. 

Shadow work, then, is the process of making the unconscious conscious. Until you do that your shadow will direct your life. Yet, shadow work is profoundly difficult because we desperately don’t want to think of ourselves as “bad” people. 

This is where curiosity, nonjudgment and compassion save us from ourselves. When we integrate our shadows fear becomes an opportunity for courage. Pain is a catalyst for strength and resilience. Aggression is transmuted into warrior-like passion. Our wisdom of our own shadows informs our actions, our decisions, and our interactions with others. 

That is why people who know their shadows are able to love you- who you actually are, shadow and all.  

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